Heart beats harder.....
This is a story of how I coped with depression. Please play the song before you continue reading.
December 1, 2012. Saturday. I went to school only to find out that we don't have classes. It was already planned that I will go to my best friend's house after class. We planned to watch movies and eat and just enjoy the day. I was planning on telling her the problems I currently have, and ask for some pieces of advice.
It makes this harder...
While on the way to her house, I felt something strange. I cannot breathe. I was hyperventilating. I felt numb. I texted her about it and told her to pick me up at the waiting shed. But it took her a while and people were looking at me, asking if I'm all right because I was crying. She came, but I can't walk anymore. I felt numb all over. I was crying because I was afraid. A woman came to us and carried me to the clinic. But the doctor wasn't in. They called the ambulance. The clinic was full of Christmas decorations and they were playing Christmas songs. I was thinking, would this be the last time I will hear these Christmas songs? And see these decorations? And these strangers that were helping me? I was praying to God. I was crying. Is this how death feels like? I felt weaker every minute, and I was barely breathing. My best friend called my aunt. Minutes passed by and there was still no ambulance. Gladly, my aunt and uncle came and we went to the hospital. The doctor asked me questions, and checked my heart. The result was, my heart was beating irregularly. I was afraid; do I have a heart problem? Am I dying?
Tryin' to scream out my lungs, it makes this harder.. and the tears stream down my face...
We went home, and I can't keep these thoughts out of my head. That night, it happened again. I can't breathe, I was crying. There was this particular song that kept playing in my head. A sad song about grieving. A song about death. I was wondering if someone would sing it if I die. I was rushed into the hospital and was diagnosed with hypokalemia. It was due to depression and stress, physically and emotionally. I stayed at the hospital for four days. I kept praying and praying, and God heard me. I got through it, survived stress and depression. It wasn't easy, but I can say that I was strong enough to handle it. My family was there to support me on my downfall.
Depression is not a joke. Your thoughts can kill you. If you know someone who is going through it, please talk to them. Encourage them that there is more to this life, that what they are going through is not permanent. If you will only hold on to God, He will never leave you nor forsake you. One of the things that I have learned with this experience, it is to be calm and don't panic. Clear your mind, arrange your thoughts, focus on important things, appreciate the people beside you, read the Bible, and always pray. Don't let the pressure bother you. Take the problems one step at a time. Don't let the negativity suck your happiness.
